Wednesday, February 27, 2013

monkey mind

Just got back from my yard work side job and am slurping down some lentil soup while still wearing my sweat-drenched long johns.  Don't worry - a shower is next on my agenda :)

I am one of those people who is in the habit of being over-analytic.  I am breaking this habit ever so slowly, but it's deeply entrenched and may take a lifetime to conquer.  But that's okay.  In the meantime I have a mixture of days where I successfully follow my intuition and enjoy life and other days where I become a miserable heap of 'what if?????????'  My mom always says that all her philosophical problems can be solved in the garden.  She seems to be prone to epiphanies and resolutions.  I, on the other hand, am prone to questions, and 'monkey mind' where my thoughts and emotions wander all over the place, like a chimp swinging through vines... until he is accidentally tangled up in them and rendered immobile and panicked.  Today while chopping real life vines, ripping rusted wire fencing out from under ivy, clipping and digging, I found two prominent things looping around in my head.  One:  "Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don't!  Almond Joy has nuts; Mounds don't!"  Followed by:  "MICKEY MOUSE! DONALD DUCK!!  MICKEY MOUSE!  DONALD DUCK!!"  I promise I am not mentally ill.  I am laughing though.  I have no idea why those were there.  Interspersed between the recurring little songs, my thoughts flowed freely... a melange of memories and possible daydreams of my future.  I didn't experience any kind of conclusion, resolution or epiphany.  But, I did coast home on my bike, weaving from side to side of the quiet, sunny street, and I felt happy and worry-free, like a drunken pirate with my insulated overall pockets full of golden coins! (Yes, the man I'm working for sometimes pays me in dollar coins.  It is fun!)

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